I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
