You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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