you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
