i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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