my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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