two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
