I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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