birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
