I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
