I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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