i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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