did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
