Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
