Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
