Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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