Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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