i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there is glitter all over my balls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
