Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
