i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
