Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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