I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
