I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
