i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
