Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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