Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
