what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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