We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
