still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
