Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
