If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
