i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A bitchslap is in order.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize