So drunk its hurt
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
