I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
