His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
