There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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