i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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