You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
