My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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