Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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