This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
