i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
