i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
