Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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