craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
