He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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