Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
