K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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