Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
