Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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