Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize