Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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