while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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