WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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