The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
