I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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