At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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