I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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