I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He? As in you personified your dick?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize