I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
