That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
