Don't you send me to vm
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
