It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
