Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am available for nakedness
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
