So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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