she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
