I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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