Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
