i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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