how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
