also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
