My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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