she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
