So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
