So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
