My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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